three.is.a.crowd

I had my first threesome when I was 19.

It was with my roommate at the time and the Vice President of some frat ( I know exactly which frat it is… I frequented it every weekend for two years and dated two dudes in it. SCORE! I am just trying to be as discreet as possible, but if you need to know it rhymes with Nappa Fig).

My roommate was a virgin and I thought it was my duty to help her lose her precious flower. I took my role so seriously that this wasn’t the only threesome the both of us were involved in. We would approach a dude together and then pounce on him and then about 15 minutes into it… I would leave, hoping she would get it in.

Well… this evening in particular, we had been dancing and drink Natty Ice all night at a house party. There was love in the air and through the cloud of marijuana, I locked eyes with this 6’4 handsome dark piece of meat (by man I meant he was probs 21 at the time and could buy alcohol). I grabbed my roomie’s hand and started to encroach towards him.

This was fucking years ago, so I can’t even remember what was said or how we ended up in a frat house rolling around in his bed with him, but we did.

About 15 minutes of making out I unzipped his pants and rubbed his dick for a while. He got hard. After this I quickly pulled the, “I need to go to the bathroom” and I stumbled down the hall. I was just the fluffer. That was my role and sole purpose. I had accepted it.

I don’t remember much of this night, but I do remember the disastrous state of the bathroom and the damage 25 dudes living together can do. There was a brown ring in the toilet that had to be at least an inch wide and I am pretty sure there was piss and vomit in the corner. God DAMN. I was a good friend.

I looked in the mirror swaying back and forth. Who knows what I was telling myself? There was a knock at the bathroom door. Standing there is my barefoot roommate, with her off centered Forever 21 skirt and eyes barely open.

“Let’s go,” she slurred.

“Why? What happened?” I asked.

“Nothing. We just kept making out and now I’m ready to go home.

That was a fucking bust. Kind of… about two months later I ended up fucking this dude. He even let me sleep over. How sweet is that? I remember laying on his shaved chest as the bristles poked me in the face. It was a good time. He wound up entering me on the roof of the frat house. Just bent me right over.  It was so romantic. It  overlooked this pizza place that if you flashed your tits, you would get a free slice. I went to a really classy college, obviously. GO WILDCATS!

I actually continued to sporadically fuck this dude until my senior year of college. I think he was pulling a Van Wilder because he was definitely at least two years older than me. *Sigh* I wonder what he is up to now? Let’s be honest, he probs one of those dudes who peaked in college.

ANYWAAAYS… like I said my roommate and I had multiple of these together.

The next one was the last semester of our sophomore year. We were heading to our friends apartment when we were stopped going down the stairs by two strapping men carrying up a couch. There was this real douchey looking one with a neon orange hat… IMMEDIATELY I turned to my girl and whispered, “Dibs.”

I introduced the both of us and it turns out that these dudes were moving in next door to us. Lucky us!

After this first encounter, we didn’t really see them for another month or so… but good god did we hear them.

One evening my roommate sprinted into my room and motioned me into her room. She pointed to her wall and sure enough, picture frames were shaking. We could faintly make out sex noises… like this bitch was screaming! I mean, I don’t know about you, but I was very intrigued.

Maybe like two weeks later Maybe? It doesn’t really matter.

It was a Wednesday night and at the time I was a nursing major. I had an 8am anatomy class the next morning and I was really banking on getting to bed early. Well…. That didn’t happen.

There was music blaring from the hot dudes’ apartment. It sounded like a lot of fun but I was trying to be really responsible. So I put some pants on and knock on their door. A random man, who I have never seen before, answers the door.

“Hey.”

“Um… hi. I live next door and I have a pretty early class tomorrow. Would you all mind keeping it down?”

He turned around and shouted into the loud abys, “Yo, turn down that music.”

“Well, thanks.”

I turned on my dirty heels and marched back to my apartment. As soon as I got off my pants, there was a knock at the door. FUCK ME, right?

My roommate walks towards it with me and I look through the peep hole. Sure enough, it is hot neighbor dude!

I open it… pantless.

“Hey, I’m really sorry we are being loud,” He apologized and was obviously intoxicated, “My roommate just got off probation, so we are celebrating. You all wanna come over and do a shot?”

I looked at my roomie. She grinned, pantless, as well. I am not sure who was the bad influence in her and I’s relationship.

“Ok, let us put some pants on and we will be right over. Only one, though!”

Fast forward an hour later and countless amounts of shots. I think I might’ve zamboni-ed Jäger off his kitchen counter and downed a body shot out of my roomie’s sternum… yes, sternum. She just a tiny thing in general. We both didn’t have much cleavage back in those days. Probs because we weren’t able to afford Wonder Bras yet (two cup sizes larger, babyyyyyy!).

We ended up in bed with our hot neighbor… this was a little less PG than our last encounter a few months earlier.

Let’s just say my girl got to make out with his top half… and I, of course, took one for the team and got the bottom half.

I eventually pulled her head down so she was eye level with me and this dude’s dick. I knew she had never had a ween in her mouth so I held her hand and encourage her the best I could to grab it with her other and just put it in there. And guess what!?!!? SHE FUCKING DID IT. She had sucked her first dick and I was there to help her and witness it! YES! I was beaming on the inside. My job was almost complete.

I ended up getting up shortly after and letting her just do her thing… I woke up on my balcony with all my patio furniture moved inside around 10 am. Yes, I completely missed my anatomy class…*Side Note*  don’t worry,  I am currently not a nurse. People’s lives are not put in my hands, thank sweet Jesus. I did not continue that dream because I did not make the grades. I went into communications just like most people who have given up the dream do.

I tip toed over to my roommate’s room and sure enough she was snuggled up in her white duvet and pink fur blanket. Ugh. She was just a little angel. Once she woke up, we agreed to NEVER speak of the events that happened the night prior. That didn’t work out so well because about a week or so later I ran into hot neighbor dude at a concert and ended up fucking him… and here’s the kicker; I dated him for three years! AAAND living with him. AAAND getting a dog with him. It is a wild world man… oh… and if you did do the math, yes, I did cheat on him with that frat dude from the previous story. I am no saint.

Also… If you were wondering. My roommate did end up losing her virginity! And no, I wasn’t there for it, but you bet your sweet ass I picked her up the next morning and took her and her first sexual partner out for milkshakes and chilli cheese fries. This moment needed to be celebrated properly!

I have had 4 other encounters similar to these throughout the years. I will probably end up telling you more about them in future posts.

***UPDATE*** As soon as I finished writing this story, I looked up frat dude on Facebook. He is working as an Account Exec at a startup in the Bay! Looks like he is doing well. He has not updated his prof pic since 2014, though, so I am assuming he has gone downhill physically.***

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